


New Game Plus

by Wren Truesong (waywren)



Category: Persona 3
Genre: F/F, F/M, Groundhog Day, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Love Polygon, M/M, Multi, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Polyamory, Time Loop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-19
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-07 14:41:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5460134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waywren/pseuds/Wren%20Truesong
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Minako lives from Social Link to Social Link.  It's always the same, or nearly, but the hearts are still dear, the faces still precious.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sisyphus

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mk_tortie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mk_tortie/gifts).



> Many many many thanks are owed to [Ellen Brand](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ellen_Brand/pseuds/Ellen_Brand), [joisbishmyoga,](http://archiveofourown.org/users/joisbishmyoga/pseuds/joisbishmyoga) gamlain, and [Ocianne](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Ocianne/pseuds/Ocianne)\--who in particular played midwife to this while struggling with her own Yuletide labours! I've lifted text directly from the game where appropriate, pretty much all of it sourced from kameraida's [script on GameFAQs](http://www.gamefaqs.com/psp/971508-shin-megami-tensei-persona-3-portable/faqs/62257).

Minako lives from Social Link to Social Link.  It's always the same, or nearly, but the hearts are still dear, the faces still precious.

(The little jolt of strength (not power, she has plenty of that, but _heart-strength_ ) that comes with each 'rank' is the only thing that has meaning, anymore.)

It's really kind of remarkable how boring life can be, how much spare time can be fit in around saving the world.  She's steadily working her way through every book in Bookworms; she'll have to go to Book-On! next.  Going there always feels like she's betraying her adoptive grandparents...

...but it wouldn't do to use up all her closeness at once.  She's got to ration it.  There's a whole school year to get through, and if she goes too quick she'll throw things off, or just run through it all.  

It's just so hard to remember that, particularly early in the year when she has no night friends at all yet.  The arcade gets repetitive after awhile with no new games in (the patches and upgrades due in 2 months, 4 months, and 8 months will have/do have/always will have her initials in every slot a thousand times over), and she’s learned every karaoke song note-perfect down to the singles that aren’t even out yet.   She doesn't want to overstay her Escapade welcome before she's even heard of Mutatsu, and there's only so much point in studying when she can (and has) done all her exams standing on her head.

(She made sure to wear running shorts under her skirt, of course.  But that was an odd year.  At least it made Toriumi-sensei laugh. And anything that makes Ekoda fume is worth it.)

Still, at least she's been volunteered for the Library.  Saori's quiet acceptance is always steadying, no matter what crazy new thing Minako decides to do next.  Sometimes she can even be persuaded to play along, and those are the most precious memories of all.  (Toriumi-sensei can usually be counted on for that, too.  Maybe she should see if she can persuade Junpei to give her the game this year, instead of picking it up again himself?  It was always so fun with Maya.)

It’s important to keep engaged, to keep interested, to keep _loving_. It reminds her to keep getting up in the morning, keep going to school and to Tartarus, to keep going to the playground and the shrine and the Mall, to keep balanced, to keep moving.  

To let Ryoji live.

To keep climbing the Tower.

To keep signing Pharos’ contract.

If she doesn’t, the Great Seal might not work at all, and all this would be for nothing.

(On more fanciful days, she wonders if this is the real price.  Could it be that the Seal that keeps that ravening beast from people’s hearts and its cry from Nyx’s ears runs not on Minako’s soul, but on all the energy and effort she puts into each round of living, into living every school year over and over?)

(Does the Great Seal run on frustration?)

 

* * *

 

Early evening check-in.  The front door slams behind her with its usual meaty ‘thump.’  

“Where’ve you been?” Akihiko demands.  Heh. Speaking of meaty.

Normally Minako’d let his question slip by with a shrug and a smile, but some strange whim has hold of her today.  Perhaps it’s the imp of the perverse, or only that she’s still keyed up after a _pun_ -geant verbal spar with Bunkichi. (Ooh. she’ll have to remember to share that one.)

“Out having a grand day with my grandparents,” Minako chirps.

Something about that answer has Mitsuru sitting bolt upright. Akihiko nearly fumbles his beefbowl.  Now what…?

Oh. Right.  The whole ‘lost their parents under mysterious and zany circumstances on the Moonlight Bridge and spent the next ten years being shuffled between a succession of distant relations’ thing.  Minako keeps forgetting.

“I… was under the impression you had no close relatives,” Mitsuru says a little awkwardly.  

Minako stifles the urge to kiss her into smiles again ( _not yet, not yet, don’t jump into things, they don’t know you like you know them it’s too soon_ ) and hitches her own smile a little wider, a little more unconcerned.

“I don’t,” she says blithely.  “But we like pretending.”

She turns on her heel and heads straight up to bed.

 

* * *

 

Minako gets up with especial punctuality the next day, beating everyone but Akihiko, who has his workouts and doesn’t count.  She has to pay the lady at Rafflesia a visit.

 

* * *

 

Minako’s Guide to Surviving Timeloops, Rule 1:

_When you’re sad, find a way to make someone else happy._

 

* * *

 

Saori pinks up adorably when she’s surprised.  It’s the pale skin and the silvery hair, Minako supposes; a blush makes her just glow.  

Seeing that smile over a bouquet of sunflowers nearly as big as she is makes it that touch more perfect.

“Minako-chan, these are lovely,” Saori beams.   Minako scores herself a mental point. She’s never made Saori smile this earnestly so early in the year.  “But...why?”

Minako just shrugs.  “They suit you.  And the library needs brightening, don’t you think?”

Saori blushes a little more.  “You’re kind of strange sometimes, Minako-chan… but thank you.”

“It was my pleasure,” Minako promises.

 

* * *

 

Once upon a time, Minako would’ve done far more for Saori than bring her flowers.  Once upon a time, she would’ve laughed and told Saori’s parents that they were having a study date, only to take her hand and draw her, laughing, to the park.  

Once upon a time, Minako would’ve talked and connived and wheedled Saori into taking off her shoes and socks and wading in a fountain (one of the few fountains not blessed by Theo’s or Elizabeth’s purse), would’ve grinned and giggled and surprised Saori with a heaping picnic basket, would’ve spread a blanket on the ground for them to sprawl on and talk and talk and stare into the sky.

Once upon a time, Minako would’ve crowned Saori with buttercups, and kissed her as rosy as the dawn.

 

* * *

 

Minako’s Guide to Surviving Timeloops, Rule 2:

_Trying to change things too much leads to pain._

 

* * *

 

But that was once upon a time, in a time that never really happened, and only Minako has to hurt for it.

Now, Minako just smiles, instead.  “Why don’t we find some vases for these?  And then we can get started on that inventory.”

Saori was made to hurt enough the once for a thousand lifetimes; Minako won’t stand for it again.

Saori’s parents can’t punish her for something nobody ever suspects.

 

* * *

 

Minako’s Guide to Surviving Timeloops, Rule 3:

_When in doubt, seek distractions._

 

* * *

 

Minako doesn’t even bother checking in at the dorm.  She’s in no fit state for company and knows it.  Fortunately the pharmacist isn’t much given to chit-chat, and the people who hang out behind the station even less so.

She’s refilled the cat’s dish twice and is being allowed to scratch its ears when someone decides to make trouble.

Minako can do with some trouble.

“Well hel _lo_ there, ojouchan,” the thug leers.  He’s a skinny jerk, a little taller than Minako, with a nose ring, an earring, and a chain linking the two.  He probably thinks he’s being charming.

Minako smiles sweetly.  “Hello to you too.  I like your sparkly there.”

The thug blinks, thrown off by the unexpected compliment.  “You do? ...I mean, course y’do, it looks badass, right?” He tilts his head so the light glints off the chain.

“Oh yes,” Minako chirps.  “It’s very clever, how you chained your nose to your face so you wouldn’t lose it~”

He blinks again.  

His friends snicker.

His face twists. “Why you little--”  

The world slows. His right hand’s going out. Only way out is through him.  Minako will drop under the strike, left hand up to deflect his grab. She’ll slide her right foot forward, twist her left hand to grab his wrist, right hand grabs his belt, pivot, and Minako can direct him ever so gently into the wall behind her.

Then things will get _fun_.

Minako’s already starting to duck when the big hand closes on the jerk’s shoulder.

“You’re too damn noisy,” a familiar voice rumbles.

Minako has a vague impression of Nosering sputtering, something about _who the hell do you think you are?_ before he turns enough to realize just who it is with the crushing grip on his shoulder, and perhaps another vague impression of an amusingly terrified face as he sort of wilts and scrambles away, but she couldn’t say for sure.

She’s too busy staring.

“The hell are you doing out here?” the hand’s owner asks grumpily.  “Nights like this, kids like you should be safe at home.”

 

* * *

 

_“Minako…”_

 

* * *

 

He’s right.  Minako should never have come here.

 

* * *

 

_“Don’t cry… Minako.”_

 

* * *

 

This is _his_ place, where he lost control, where he broods, where he …

 

where he dies.

 

* * *

 

_“This is how… it should be…”_

 

* * *

 

But it isn’t.  It’s wrong, she’s wrong, everything’s wrong.

Minako _isn’t supposed to be here._

 

Rough wool under her hands.  A voice over her head.  His voice. He’s talking, how is he still talking?

“Aw, hell, don’t, don’t do that, c’mon, please don’t, girls look best when they laugh, right?”

 

* * *

 

_“You look best when you laugh._

_…_

_So don’t cry, got it…?”_

 

* * *

 

She won’t cry. She won’t.  She _promised._

(It’s in the Rules.)

A sigh.  He’s still breathing, so she should be happy, right?

“Aw, hell, shaking isn’t an improvement.  Can you even stand up?”  Hands on hers, but she won’t let go.  She can’t.

“...y’got a hell of a death grip.” He sighs again.  She tries to smile.

“You’re a real piece of work, you know that…?”

 

* * *

 

_“You’re a real piece of work, you know that…?”_

 

* * *

 

Minako whimpers.

“Oh, damn,” Shinjirou says very quietly.  “Just… c’mere.  You can kill me for this later--”

and then he’s leaning and twisting and there’s an arm around her shoulders and one under her legs, so _careful_ with the skirt, he’s always been so careful, and then she’s up off the ground and close against him and her nose is full of Shinjirou-scent and she missed him _so much_ and Minako will just.

just be done now.

(she’s so tired.)

(and his shoulder is nice and broad, just right for her head, and… and…)

 

* * *

 

 

Minako's Guide to Surviving Timeloops, Rule 4:

_Never let anyone see how much it hurts._

 

* * *

 

 

(sometimes rules break so that you don't.)


	2. once upon a time there was what there was

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a tale of once what was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (chapter title lifted from Charles de Lint)

once upon a time there was a girl and a boy and a boy and a girl, and they had adventures.

all of them lost, one way or another, and all of them were found.

the girls grew up strong and beautiful and alone, and looked for people to be strong for; the boys grew up beautiful and strong and together, and tussled and fought and lost together and grew together and grew apart together.

one day, one of the girls met one of the boys, and asked him to be strong for her, for there was a wrong that she had promised to make right.  and with him came the other boy, his brother in soul, for they were as alike and as different as two twins, as the Moon and the Stars, as the Emperor and the Hierophant, and where one went the other would follow.

and so they began their adventures.  they fought the beasts that ravaged the hearts and souls of the people, and they were strong and good and bright and full of hope, and sometimes the Hierophant had a temper, but then the Emperor did too, and the Empress was fierce as a blizzard in her own way, and all seemed only proper.

and as sometimes happens, they all began to care for each other very much, and that too seemed only proper. for hadn’t the boys been together all their lives? weren’t they backing the girl in every battle imaginable, and easing her loneliness besides?

and so they lived, and loved, happily ever after--

\--only, not quite.  because accidents can happen to anyone, even in fairy tales.

especially in fairy tales.

* * *

there was a terrible mess, and someone died, and the Hierophant ran away to the Moon, and the Emperor was as lonely as the Stars, and the Empress ruled alone.

* * *

and the other girl, you ask?

well.

* * *

she always was a Fool.


	3. To Be Shriven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> telling things is exhausting. who even knew rules could go into imaginary numbers like that?

 

Minako wakes sweetly and slowly.  There are strong arms around her, and a soft blanket draped over her, and beloved voices are murmuring close by.  

She’s warm and safe and everything smells of Shinjirou and nothing hurts.

(there’s something odd about that, but at least it’s a good odd, one that doesn’t hurt, and for a moment, just for a moment, she’ll let herself be selfish.)

* * *

 Minako’s Guide to Surviving Timeloops, Rule 0:

_Anything different is good._

* * *

Mitsuru’s voice is soft familiar music, low and precise, every syllable perfect. Minako could listen to her for hours.

  
“--I don’t believe she sleeps more than three hours in a night,” says Mitsuru.

Oh.

Hell. 

* * *

Minako’s Guide to Surviving Timeloops, Rule 0 Corollary:

_Different is not good when it makes someone else hurt._

* * *

“I’m fine,” Minako whispers. “You don’t have to worry.”

“Bullshit,” Shinjiro’s voice rumbles through her. “You’ve still got that death-grip on my coat. It’s been two _hours_.”

Well, shit.

Before she can muster a reply of any sort, let alone an acceptable one, Akihiko joins the conversation with such concern resounding in every word that she squeezes her eyes tighter shut.

“You're trying the hardest out of all of us ... we’re worried about you."

* * *

_“You're trying the hardest out of all of us ...  I'm worried about you."_

* * *

Minako’s breath catches in time with the ice that stabs through her heart. “...Not you, too.”  


"--And there you go flinchin’ at every word somebody says!” Shinjirou bursts out. “I know damn well you’ve only seen me the once, so whoever the hell it is you’re seeing to go off like that, it isn’t me--”

“What if it is?” Mitsuru breaks in thoughtfully.

* * *

Minako’s Guide to Surviving Timeloops, Rule--

Rule--

there are no rules for this.

(the truth is so unbelievable she doesn’t always believe it herself; how could anyone else?)

* * *

Minako is at a loss for words, eyes finally fluttering open but staring sightlessly at the wall rather than daring to face their expressions.

Not that it would matter if she _had_ words; there’s no stopping Mitsuru when she’s following a trail of evidence, thin and illogical though it may be.

(Mitsuru _grew up_ in SEES, in a world of the Hour and Personae and monsters--of course her definition of impossible is so much smaller than most.)

“You seem often preoccupied, even distracted, and yet you always know the exact content of any discussion. You are out and about at all hours of the night and day, never seeming to study, and yet your grades are always perfect. You’ve only lived in this area since the beginning of the school year, and yet with almost everyone it’s as if you are a friend of long standing, and you have never, not once, gotten lost. I’ve even heard younger students exclaim at each other about your ridiculous prowess in the arcade, though I’ve never seen it myself… and you have clearly been working your way through the entire school library in order by the [Nippon Decimal Classification](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nippon_Decimal_Classification)...”

Minako smiles tiredly in the lull. “740. Photography and Printing.”

Mitsuru stares at her. “...Arisato, we have the largest library in the district bar the University’s. To have already reached 740, even at _your_ reading speed...” She goes white. “Arisato, how long have you been…?”

* * *

Minako’s Guide to Surviving Timeloops, Rule _i_ :

_don’t try to calculate personal time. it’ll only drive you mad ~~der~~._

_Besides, you’re still stuck with the hormones._

* * *

Minako’s listless shrug apparently does nothing to reassure anyone, because Shinjiro shakes her slightly. She really ought to think about getting out of his embrace, but there’s no energy left (and she can’t bear to give it up, he’s warm and solid and she’s missed him so damn long).

“You little _idiot_ ,” he’s saying. “Why the hell didn’t you tell anyone?”

“I did.”

For a moment, there’s silence.

Minako chuckles. At least she thinks it’s a chuckle. Maybe it came out as something else, by Akihiko’s clenched fists

* * *

_"You should know that if you're ever going through a hard time, I'll be there for you too.  From now on, we have each other..."_

* * *

and Mitsuru’s flinch.

* * *

_“Stay by my side. Fight alongside me... live alongside me.”_

* * *

“What do you want me to say?” Minako asks. In another lifetime, it might have been bitter, but right now honest confusion is the best she can muster. What is there to say about it? “I told you all once. Each of you, not together. I don’t--you never all care about me together, that’s not, it’s not how it goes.”

“...then how does it go?” That’s Minako’s Empress. Always seeking to the limits of knowledge.

“ I told you once, Mitsuru. I loved you, and you loved me, and we got on your motorcycle and we tried to ride to the ends of the world.” Minako has to smile at the memory. (And Mitsuru’s blush.) “It was beautiful, and life was beautiful, and I had so much hope--it was the first time I came back, and I thought, I thought that this was my second chance with you, so I could live without regret---and I told you.”

“....didn’t I believe you?”

“I don’t know. You kissed me, and said we’d talk about it in the morning. ...and then Kirijo Group security forces broke into our hotel room in the night, and put you into a private clinic run by your fiance’s company.”

“....and you?”

“Mm? Oh, I got put in juvie as a kidnapper and then got quietly whacked,” Minako shrugs. “It was really pretty funny--I didn’t credit him with much style, but your fiance even had the guy give me an invite to the wedding.”

Silence.

Shinjirou is growling, and Akihiko’s hands are trembling, he’s clenching his fists so hard, but Mitsuru--

“Gods, you’re beautiful when you’re angry,” Minako can’t help saying, and Mitsuru turns so red she nearly _glows_. “Don’t look so upset? I just woke up on the train into Iwatodai again, and, well…” Minako chews her lip. “....the Board _may_ have woken up at 12.01 am out on the sidewalk with all their staff and family, watching their houses mysteriously burn down….?”

(One year that happened to the Hasegawas, and Saori ended up needing emergency housing and got put in the room across the hall from Minako’s, but that was once upon a time.)

Akihiko snorts and folds his arms, grinning reluctantly. Even Mitsuru’s lips twitch.

Shinjirou actually _guffaws_. Minako feels like she’s won the world.

“...and then you never tried again.” Mitsuru isn’t to be deterred.

“No,” Minako admits. “I don’t… I got scared. There’s … things I have to do. Or things worse than Apathy Syndome happen, and … and most of the time I can at least save the world, even if I can’t escape, and it’s ...”

* * *

Minako’s Guide to Surviving Timeloops, Rule _e pi*i_

_If you have to choose between them and you, pick them. Always._

_(It doesn’t matter what happens to me, as long as you’re all safe.)_

* * *

She buries her face in Shinjirou’s jacket. They’ll hate it when she says this. Even if it’s true.

“And what?” he prompts, easing her away. “Just say it. We’re here for all of it, this time. All of us.”

“Shinji said something good for once,” Akihiko chimes in. “C’mon. We believe you, whatever the hell it is.”

“Whatever it is, we will help you,” Mitsuru promises. “What do you have to do?”

“...give up my soul to save the world,” Minako confesses, and all hell breaks loose.

* * *

In the end, Akihiko only punched a hole in _one_ wall, and Mitsuru taught them all some truly fascinating French and a new technique for hypothermia-based castration, and Shinjirou just sat there cuddling Minako possessively and growling.

They took that pretty well, actually.

Better than Minako was expecting.

* * *

“So tell me again why Shinji and I can’t just go arrange an accident,” Akihiko says at one point.

Minako huffs, but has to smile. “You did once. So did I. When I told you, you confronted him, ‘died’ in an accident far far too innocent to be real, and not long after I woke up on the train to Iwatodai; I’m pretty sure he had me killed in my sleep.” Mitsuru’s jaw sets, and Akihiko pales, but they don’t interrupt; Minako’s grateful. If she stops now she may never start again.

“When _I_ tried doing it, it did work, but then the school was shut down in a massive investigation because _he’s the Chairman_ , the government got involved, everyone was shipped away to different schools in the coverup, and then everyone got eaten because nobody could get to Tartarus.”

 _That_ gets Shinjirou growling and clutching her closer.

Huh.

...Wait, that’s his ‘guilt’ pose. Maybe he’s realising how much they really do need him?

“...And I just don’t watch enough detective shows to try to make it look like an accident,” Minako adds, trying to distract him. “I tried using Poisma once, but I swear the man eats Dis-Poisons like candy.”

Shinjirou just ‘humphs,’ but Mitsuru’s got her Tactician Face on. Minako loves that face.

“...Prior intervention may not in fact be necessary,” Mitsuru says slowly.

This has everyone blinking. At least, Minako _assumes_ Shinjirou’s blinking, it’s hard to see his face at this angle.

“At least in _this_ instance, the Chairman’s plans are known to us,” Mitsuru points out. “So long as we are ready to deal with him when he is ready to strike, leaving him in place may maximize the number of lives saved.”

Just for a moment, Minako feels a warm little glow. She just figured this out through trial and error; trust Mitsuru to cut straight to the heart of things.

But.

“...Tell your dad to wear a bulletproof vest?”

Mass blinks.

“...You were never able to convince him in time before?” Mitsuru asks softly.

Minako sighs. She does a lot of that. But at least this time she always gets Shinjirou-hugs, which is a definite upside. “I’m the _battle_ leader, not his daughter or the main strategist. It’s not like I have any access to him at all except during summer hols, which is the first time I meet him _ever_ , or at the actual ‘yay it’s over’ celebration party, at which point there’s no _time_ to get a tac vest even if he believes me. Even dating you doesn’t change that much--I generally can’t get your attention until late in the year, and by then..” Minako shakes her head. “I tried sending anonymous threat letters once; that just got additional bodyguards, which led to more _coffins_ , and then once even to a timeline where I got put in juvie again because I wasn’t anonymous enough. Mysterious arson? Yes fine sure it’s not like anybody but us is dialed in on Personae or magic or the Dark Hour. Espionage? _Not my thing_.”

* * *

Minako’s Guide to Surviving Timeloops, Rule

~~(um)~~

~~(where were we again?)~~

~~(where do we put the new one?)~~

~~(there are so MANY)~~

[NaN](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/NaN)

_it can be a profound relief to trust._

* * *

They’ve been talking for hours and Mitsuru’s ordered dinner (and Shinjirou has glowered pointedly at Minako until she eats it) once and Akihiko’s brought in drinks twice and Minako has at some point FINALLY realised that they’re in Mitsuru’s private sitting room (she’s been _distracted okay_ ) and Minako’s gone nearly hoarse when Shinjirou finally asks her.

"...Gotta hand it to you, jouchan... you've held up pretty damn well. Don’t think I could handle _one_ time around, much less however the hell many. Can’t help but notice, though… You’ve managed not to say word one about why you freaked out at the sight of me so bad you still won’t let go.”

Minako doesn’t flinch. But she goes so still and tense that she might as well have done.

Shinjirou actually looks a little surprised. He always has been resigned to dying slowly. “....that messy?”

“That _constant_ ,” Minako whispers.

Silence.

They’re staring again. Akihiko doesn’t even look that surprised. Shinjirou does, but Shinjirou’s been trying to _hide_ it. Mitsuru just looks grim.

Minako is beyond caring. The words just spill out of her.

“Over and over and over again, no matter what I do, loving you or ignoring you, avoiding you or clinging to you like a limpet--you get murdered _every time and I can’t. do. **ANYTHING**_.”

Her eyes are blurring, which makes no sense, because she can’t smell smoke and nobody’s fighting and there aren’t any status effects--  
when did her cheeks get wet?

and now Shinjirou’s actually hugging her instead of holding her in place, when did that happen, and then there’s jasmine and rose petals and silk against minako’s cheek

wait mitsuru what

hugs

minako doesn’t get mitsuru hugs minako doesn’t _deserve_ mitsuru hugs

and then that too tight squeeze of hard muscle under cotton and just a little musk (akihiko always has to calibrate his hugs)

WHY ARE THERE AKIHIKO HUGS

(why is minako only now noticing that akihiko and shinjirou smell like sandalwood)

(it goes so well with mitsuru)

oh gods, (oh theo, oh elizabeth, help me, social links can’t be this strong?)

the three of them, they’ve always smelled complimentary always always (she never knew until _now_ )

why is that making minako cry harder

why can’t she stop

* * *

gentle hands in her hair.

soft lips on her cheek.

“Arisato--”

“love of gods, Mitsuru, if you can’t use her bare name now when can you.”

“yes, yes, Shinjirou, fine--Minako, please. try to breathe--”

“Shinji don’t let her just cry into your coat, she’ll scratch her face--”

“what do you think I’m trying to do? gimme that handkerchief.”

soft, loving quarrelling above her head.

minako wants to laugh.

“aw hell I thought she’d run outta that. Aki, get some water.”

glass against her lips. gentle coaxing.

minako swallows. whatever they want to give her, she’ll take.

* * *

“Shinjirou, you’ve been sitting like that for hours. See if you can shift her--”

“If she’ll let go. c’mon, Minako, here’s Aki, can you go to Aki? He’s an idiot but he’s strong too, he won’t let any of us leave you, promise. And I’ll still have your hand. Like this. C’mon…”

if.  if Shinjirou _promises_ , then… maybe…

oh. Aki is nice and strong and comfy too. when did minako forget that?

when was it okay to enjoy it?

but now Shinjrou and Mitsuru are both coaxing her there and Aki’s shoulder is warm under her cheek and Aki’s awkwardly kissing her hair, and Shinjirou’s hand is right there in hers, just like he promised.

for now.

but then.

all minako has is now, isn’t it?

* * *

All storms pass eventually.

Maybe that should be a Rule.

_(maybe with the seniors they don’t need rules.)_

* * *

Minako’s head is in Mitsuru’s lap.

This would be amazing enough without Mitsuru dabbing gently at her face with a wet handkerchief.

Minako’s feet are in Shinjirou’s lap.

This would be amazing enough without Shinjirou rubbing them, bitching quietly about _all this damn muscle tension how have you not crippled yourself girl who let you out without a goddamn leash._

Minako’s middle is in Akihiko’s lap.

He’s trying very hard not to squirm and he can’t quite settle and sometimes he forgets he’s trying to keep to polite hands and then he pets Minako’s belly, which she’d almost forgotten he likes to do and how much she loves it.

Minako’s eyes ache and her cheeks are swollen and her nose is so stuffed up it may take a reset to get it clear.

Minako doesn’t have to smile, or lie, or pretend a godsdamn thing.

It feels _amazing_.


	4. just so

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> something I can do for you?  
> oh, you’re not happy? why not?  
> ‘that’s not a proper ending!’ you say? ‘how does being a Fool explain anything?’ you say?  
> well of course it doesn’t explain anything! who said stories have to explain anything?  
> okay no wait put the Evoker down okay okay.  
> of course it’s not the ending. it was more of a never-end.

something I can do for you?

oh, you’re not happy? why not?

‘that’s not a proper ending!’ you say? ‘how does being a Fool explain anything?’ you say?

well of course it doesn’t explain anything! who said stories have to explain anything?

okay no wait _put the Evoker down_ okay okay.

of course it’s not the ending. it was more of a never-end.

* * *

the Fool was a Fool because she loved, and loved and loved, not wisely but always too well.

she met a Hermit and loved them, and tried to coax them out of their hermitage.

sometimes they came out and blossomed, and moved away; sometimes they blossomed in her arms, and were cut down; sometimes they smiled, and withered away entirely.

and so the Fool learned to tend at a distance.

* * *

she met the Emperor and loved him, and learned to be so confident that no ill-wish could touch them, and trained with him, and learned great feats of arms, and was happy.

and the Emperor learned to allow himself to fumble, and that it was sometimes the greatest strength to let those he loved be strong beside him, that they could protect each other, and he was so happy he gleamed like the Star.

and the Hierophant stayed on the Moon, and the Empress ruled alone, for they loved him enough to wish him to have the best.

* * *

she met an Empress and loved her, and learned to be proud of her learning, and how to coax truth from under masks, and smiles from under cool poise, and how to strike with true deftness and to think with great precision.

and the Empress learned that it was all right to have ruffles and lace as well as smooth lines, and ramen as well as caviar, and that the Fool’s arm was as strong to hold her when she cried or on her motorcycle as it was to carry them all through battle, and was happy.

and the Hierophant stayed on the Moon, and the Emperor fought alone, for they loved her enough to place her happiness over theirs.

* * *

she met the Hierophant and loved him, and learned that gruff words and rough coats may conceal the very tenderest of hearts, and the great importance of a [mise en place](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mise_en_place), and that all dignity falls to the sweet affection of dogs, and that the sandwich means _[I love you](http://captainawkward.com/2012/02/13/190-the-sandwich-means-i-love-you-a-valentine/)_. She loved him again and again and again, for as long as she had him, and when she had him, she was happy.

and the Hierophant learned that you can be loved and forgiven, and to pack great happiness into a single month, and that dying solves very little, and while he lived, he was happy.

And the Emperor fought alone, and the Empress ruled alone, for they loved him enough to wish him any happiness and healing that might be his, for however long he might have it.

and when they offered comfort they never thought to ask for more than comfort, for they shared the grief until there was no more time left.

* * *

and they all were very silly, for they all stepped back in favour of the others, and never thought that they, too, might deserve happiness, and that they had always been better and safer and stronger together.

* * *

and so it might have gone on forever and ever all in a loop that never stops or even bites its own tail.

the Fool wound and wound, and fought and fought, and never was afraid of Death, not because she knew she might come back but always because it was worth it if she could save the ones she loved, and she loved all the world; for that is one of the talents of a Fool.

she saved all she could, all that she could reach, all that she could speak to, and she carved smiles out of herself, and gave them away, and lamented only that she could not give more, even as she carved herself hollow.

* * *

i did tell you she was a Fool.

* * *

but in a way that was the wisest thing she could have done, because the more hollow she became, the more brittle, and the worse she did at hiding.

and the Empress stepped down from her throne and called the Emperor in from the Stars, and the Hierophant saw the Fool stumble and stepped down from the Moon to catch her, and (for once in his life) he showed his wisdom in bringing the Fool to his beloveds, only to find them ready and waiting.

and they tended the Fool, and loved her, all together, and it was good, and very slowly the Fool healed, and learned that she too could be happy.

* * *

and if ever you are minded to think that nobody can help you and that nothing can be done, only remember how the Empress saved her father and all of her court by being armed with fore-knowledge… and then armouring them to suit.

and Justice learned the difference between Justice and Vengeance, and kicked the false Messiah in the shins, and was rewarded by the Empress with something called a Deluxe Collector’s Featherman Box Set, for he was a kind boy and a sweet boy, and a loyal one.

and Strength took the would-be Prince’s gun away and broke his wrist in his terrible teeth, and was rewarded with the very best dinner the Hierophant could make him, for he was a Good Dog.

* * *

and Death came, and loved the Fool as he always had, but he always knew he had to share her; and the Fool loved him, as she always had, as brother if not always as lover, and did her best for him.

and he rejoiced to see her happy, as she had not been when signing his contracts.

* * *

and so Death gave her the Choice, as he always did,

* * *

and then the Fool said no, as she always did, but then she smacked him over the head and called him a dumbass, which was new, and then she gave him a hug and dragged him back down to the Court and her best-beloveds, and they did their best to plan.

* * *

and when the New Year began and the heavens opened and Nyx took Death and descended from on high, the Fool led all the Court to give [greeting and defiance](http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Literature/YoungWizards), as they always did…

* * *

but once again

* * *

something was different.

* * *

can you guess what that was?

* * *

aha, i knew you could. you’re very smart!

what no stop that who said i was making fun of you? you _are_ smart. i didn’t figure this out until after.

yes, of course it was that the Fool had all her best beloveds. well thought. but can you say why?

well, if you can’t guess, then i’ll tell you. don’t feel bad, it’s kind of Jungian. and quantum.

yes, you can definitely have both at once.

* * *

you see, every time the Fool made it to Nyx and the final battle, she made the Great Seal out of her love and her Soul.

and she made that Seal many, many times, too many to think about.

the thing about that, though--the Seal is outside time.

yes, even outside time loops.

and so even though the Fool kept going back, the Seal never ended.

the Fool had always already saved everyone….

except one person.

and so she was never really finished.

* * *

do you think you see the shape of the why now?

it’s really very simple, as all fairy tales are.

but then, it’s the simplest things that can be the most complicated.

* * *

very simply:

the Fool had never been afraid of Death.

but lack of fear isn’t enough to counteract _destrudo_ , mankind’s desire to die.

it can only delay it a little.

* * *

the Fool--

* * *

\--Minako--

* * *

\-- _I_ \--

* * *

\--well.

You see it now, don’t you?

I wanted to _live_.

* * *

And so now here we are, at Graduation, all of us together, sitting on the roof in the sunshine.

Why yes I _am_ enjoying my place in Shinji’s lap, Ryouji. And Mitsuru and Aki so close.

Yes, you’re very cute when you smile.

No, you don’t get to join us. But thank you, all the same.

* * *

Minako’s Guide to Living in General, Rule [6.0222x1023](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Avogadro_constant):

_[There are no happy endings, because nothing ever ends](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Last_Unicorn)._

* * *

But a happy forging-forward? That I can do.

_[Medetashi, medetashi](http://jisho.org/word/%E7%9B%AE%E5%87%BA%E5%BA%A6%E3%81%97%E7%9B%AE%E5%87%BA%E5%BA%A6%E3%81%97)._


End file.
